Session 5
Beneath the first answer
In polarised debates we often decide why people oppose us before we ask them. Genuine questions show more of how they see it and where a real conversation could start.
The card
5 minA question with no answer, about 4 minutes, in its adult wording.
Here is a question with no single correct answer: what is something many people in our field believe that might not be true?
Sit with the question quietly. Nobody needs to speak, and I am not waiting for a particular answer.
Notice what your mind does when a question stays unfinished and certainty is not on offer.
If you would like to, share one thought with a partner or in the chat, even if it is still taking shape.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
A short talk
10 minIn polarised debates we often decide why people oppose us before we ask them. Genuine questions show more of how they see it and where a real conversation could start.
Talk notes
- We tend to explain other people's actions by their character and our own by our circumstances. Ross called this the fundamental attribution error.Ross, L. (1977). The intuitive psychologist and his shortcomings: Distortions in the attribution process. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 10, 173 to 220. doi:10.1016/S0065-2601(08)60357-3
- In conversation experiments, people who asked more follow-up questions were liked more by the people they talked to.Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., and Gino, F. (2017). It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), 430 to 452. doi:10.1037/pspi0000097
- Writing our first explanation down, then setting it aside, makes it easier to notice when a question is really a statement.
Discussion
10 minQuestions in pairs or small groups. Anyone can pass.
- When did a question change how you saw someone's view?
- What is the difference between a question that opens a talk and one that closes it?
The activity
30 minOnline
Take the fictional dispute below. Each person writes, privately, their first explanation of the view they disagree with, then spends three minutes writing only questions. On a shared whiteboard, sort surface questions from root questions about causes, power and assumptions. In breakouts of three, look at one root question from two positions, yours and theirs.
In a room
The same with sticky notes on a wall, and threes standing at it.
The fictional case. Choose the one closest to your group:
- A town argues over closing a road outside a school.
- A city argues over moving a market to make way for housing.
- A village argues over selling communal land.
- A hospital argues over changing its shift patterns.
Private reflection
10 minTry it this week. Before you meet someone who sees an issue differently, write your first explanation of their view and three questions you genuinely want answered. Ask at least one of them.
Before you try it, the field log asks:
- What matters most to me in this conversation?
- What am I assuming about them?
- What will I do when I notice the first sign of stress?
Quiet time. Nobody shares what they write.
Closing
5 minGood gossip, about 4 minutes, in its adult wording.
Before we close, pair up, in the room or in a breakout, for a short round of what we might call good gossip.
Take turns saying one kind and true thing about someone who is not in your pair, such as a colleague or someone you work alongside. You can pass, or simply shake your head.
Give each person up to sixty seconds, then notice what it was like to speak well of someone who was not there to hear it.
Keep the words in the spirit they were offered, or pass them on to the person later if that feels right.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
For your peer circle. What did a genuine question show you about someone who disagrees with you?
Five to spare
5 minBecause sessions run over, and that is fine.
Practices to try at home.
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