This is the programme as it was on 10 October 2026, kept unchanged for groups who pinned it. See the current version
Eight sessions for advocates, Session 5
In polarised debates we often decide why people oppose us before we ask them. Genuine questions show more of how they see it and where a real conversation could start.
75 minutes: The card 5, A short talk 10, Discussion 10, The activity 30, Private reflection 10, Closing 5, Five to spare 5.
Nothing here asks anyone to share something painful or to look well. Taking part silently is taking part, and passing is always allowed.
Anger, fear and exhaustion are normal in this work, and so is grief for a future we hoped for. These sessions are no substitute for therapy. If these feelings weigh on you, you do not have to carry them alone: turn to support through your work, peer support in your field, or a doctor or counsellor you trust. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.
If someone is struggling, follow the care route your group agreed in its first session. This is not yours to carry alone.
A question with no answer, in its adult wording
Here is a question with no single correct answer: what is something many people in our field believe that might not be true?
Sit with the question quietly. Nobody needs to speak, and I am not waiting for a particular answer.
Notice what your mind does when a question stays unfinished and certainty is not on offer.
If you would like to, share one thought with a partner or in the chat, even if it is still taking shape.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
In polarised debates we often decide why people oppose us before we ask them. Genuine questions show more of how they see it and where a real conversation could start.
We tend to explain other people's actions by their character and our own by our circumstances. Ross called this the fundamental attribution error. (Ross, L. (1977). The intuitive psychologist and his shortcomings: Distortions in the attribution process. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 10, 173 to 220.)
In conversation experiments, people who asked more follow-up questions were liked more by the people they talked to. (Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., and Gino, F. (2017). It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), 430 to 452.)
Writing our first explanation down, then setting it aside, makes it easier to notice when a question is really a statement.
When did a question change how you saw someone's view?
What is the difference between a question that opens a talk and one that closes it?
Questions in pairs or small groups. Anyone can pass.
Online. Take the fictional dispute below. Each person writes, privately, their first explanation of the view they disagree with, then spends three minutes writing only questions. On a shared whiteboard, sort surface questions from root questions about causes, power and assumptions. In breakouts of three, look at one root question from two positions, yours and theirs.
In a room. The same with sticky notes on a wall, and threes standing at it.
A fictional case: A town argues over closing a road outside a school.
A fictional case: A city argues over moving a market to make way for housing.
A fictional case: A village argues over selling communal land.
A fictional case: A hospital argues over changing its shift patterns.
Try it this week. Before you meet someone who sees an issue differently, write your first explanation of their view and three questions you genuinely want answered. Ask at least one of them.
Quiet time. Nobody shares what they write.
Before you try it, the field log asks:
What matters most to me in this conversation?
What am I assuming about them?
What will I do when I notice the first sign of stress?
Good gossip, in its adult wording
Before we close, pair up, in the room or in a breakout, for a short round of what we might call good gossip.
Take turns saying one kind and true thing about someone who is not in your pair, such as a colleague or someone you work alongside. You can pass, or simply shake your head.
Give each person up to sixty seconds, then notice what it was like to speak well of someone who was not there to hear it.
Keep the words in the spirit they were offered, or pass them on to the person later if that feels right.
For your peer circle. What did a genuine question show you about someone who disagrees with you?
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
Because sessions run over, and that is fine.
Practices to try at home: One More Question, Finish Their Sentence Kindly.
https://rfweducators.netlify.app/advocates/session-5/
Recipes for Wellbeing. Free to use and adapt under CC BY-NC 4.0.