Session 3
The first story
Under pressure, a first story such as "nobody listens" or "it is all on me" can feel like the whole truth. Looking for what else is also true keeps the loss in view and can show another way forward.
The card
5 minSit like a mountain, about 4 minutes, in its adult wording.
The weather changes around a mountain through the year. For the next minute we will borrow that image while we sit.
Sit as upright as feels natural, imagine the weight of the mountain beneath you and picture your head as its summit.
Let thoughts and feelings move through the picture like weather crossing the slopes, without holding on to them or pushing them away.
Take one more breath with the mountain, remembering that weather and mountains both change over time.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
A short talk
10 minUnder pressure, a first story such as "nobody listens" or "it is all on me" can feel like the whole truth. Looking for what else is also true keeps the loss in view and can show another way forward.
Talk notes
- Reappraisal means changing how we read a situation, which can change how it feels. In Gross's model of emotion regulation it works early, before a reaction has fully formed.Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271 to 299. doi:10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.271
- In studies of everyday habits, people who reappraise more often report more positive feeling and closer relationships than people who mostly hold feelings in.Gross, J. J., and John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348 to 362. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348
- A reframe that denies a real loss does harm, so the activity crosses those out and keeps the loss in view.
Discussion
10 minQuestions in pairs or small groups. Anyone can pass.
- What first stories turn up most in this kind of work?
- When has a second story helped you, or someone you know, find a next step?
The activity
30 minOnline
In breakouts of three, take the fictional setback below and write the first narrow story in a shared document. Add two other stories the facts also support, then strike through any that shrink the loss or blame the person. Choose the story that opens a realistic next step, which might be rest or doing nothing yet.
In a room
In small groups on paper: the first story, two more the facts support, cross out any that shrink the loss, choose the one with a realistic next step.
The fictional case. Choose the one closest to your group:
- A motion your group backed is voted down.
- A petition you ran for months is ignored by the council.
- A partner organisation pulls out of a joint campaign the week before launch.
- A union ballot you worked on falls short of the turnout it needed.
Private reflection
10 minTry it this week. When something goes badly this week, write down your first story about it. Then add one other thing that is also true and see whether it changes your next step.
Before you try it, the field log asks:
- What matters most to me in this conversation?
- What am I assuming about them?
- What will I do when I notice the first sign of stress?
Quiet time. Nobody shares what they write.
Closing
5 minThe done list, about 3 minutes, in its adult wording.
To-do lists hold our attention on what remains, so we will spend one minute noticing what has already been done.
Count ordinary things from this week, including turning up, asking a question, staying with something difficult or helping a colleague.
Choose three items and keep the list private, recognising the effort behind each one.
Carry the list with you, alongside everything that still needs your attention.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
For your peer circle. What was your first story this week, and what else turned out to be true?
Five to spare
5 minBecause sessions run over, and that is fine.
Practices to try at home.
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