Before session one
Welcome. This work asks a lot of us. Here we can set some of it down for a while and practise together.
Come as you are, and take what helps.
Recipes for Wellbeing
Ten sessions for advocates
For adults whose work for change keeps them in tense, divided rooms, practising together how to understand ourselves, connect across difference and steady under stress, so we can stay in the work without wearing ourselves out.
If this gets heavy, turn to Care.
Start here
If you are running the sessions
Read how the sessions work below, then the session before the first. Each session names the lesson and the cards it is built on, and their plans are free to download and edit for your group.
If you are taking part
Read the welcome above before you begin. Between sessions, the field log is yours to use before and after a hard conversation.
The track has ten sessions of about 75 minutes. The eight in the middle are each built on one lesson from this site and reworked for adults.
Each one opens with a five-minute practice and a short talk, then gives most of its time to discussion and the main activity.
In the week that follows, we each try one small experiment in our own advocacy.
Then we meet one or two peers to make sense of what happened.
You can skip any breath or body practice, with no reason given.
- The session75 minutes together
- An experimentOne small try in your own work
- The peer circleTwo or three people, making sense of it
- The field logA private note, before and after
One session, 75 minutes
- The card. A five-minute practice to arrive.
- A short talk. The idea behind the session.
- Discussion. Questions in pairs or small groups.
- The activity. The heart of the session, on a fictional case or a light topic.
- Private reflection. On paper, or in the field log below.
- Closing. One word or one line from everyone.
- Five to spare. Because sessions run over, and that is fine.
The classroom lessons behind the sessions
What this is, and where the talks come from
For a weak connection
Keep the 10 session pages, their text-only plans and this page on this device, so they open without a connection. Only the pages are kept. Nothing you write goes into it, and you can remove them here.
Before session one
Agreements, care routes and a private starting point.
Before we begin
Our agreements
When we talk about our own work, we need to agree how we will hold what is said. These agreements, and the care routes behind them, come before any practice.
Online
Share the starting agreements on screen and invite changes by voice or in the chat until everyone can live with them. Agree camera and caption norms, name the care routes, then give ten quiet minutes, cameras optional, for each person to take the private "Where I am now" reflection.
In a room
Put the agreements on a flip chart, change them together and keep the sheet for every session.
Starting agreements
- What is said here stays here, with two limits. If someone may be at risk of serious harm, or a law or professional duty means something must be reported, the facilitator will say so, and will tell the person first where they can. What is learned here can leave.
- Nobody records, screenshots or transcribes a session. Please turn off any note-taking tool.
- Speak about your own experience, and leave out names and identifying details of anyone else.
- Passing is always allowed, with no reason needed.
- Cameras are optional, and captions stay on for anyone who wants them.
- Step away whenever you need to, and come back when you are ready.
- Disagree with ideas, and stay kind to people.
Care routes
Before this session, the group's host, if it has one, names its care routes: who to contact if someone is struggling, inside and outside the group, and how to reach local emergency help. Write them in here and keep them on screen. If your group has no host organisation, agree two things now: one person in the group, who is not the facilitator, for people to contact; and one outside service in each person's own country. A directory of crisis lines by country is at findahelpline.com. Threats or harassment connected to this work are outside what these sessions can hold. Decide together who you would trust to help, which for some groups is not the police. Nobody can promise that a group is free of people who would pass things on. Say only what you would be comfortable seeing repeated.
Where the answers go. The "Where I am now" reflection stays on each person's own device and is never collected. If your group also runs an evaluation, it is separate, with its own consent, and the group's host says who holds those answers. Open the reflection.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Groups learn more when people feel safe to speak up and to get things wrong in front of each other. Agreements made together at the start are one way to build that.Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350 to 383. doi:10.2307/2666999
- Trauma-informed approaches put safety, choice, trust and shared decisions first. They also mean not pressing anyone to tell hard stories, which these sessions avoid.Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (2014). SAMHSA's Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach. HHS Publication No. (SMA) 14-4884. Rockville, MD: SAMHSA. Publisher page
- Sharing is always a choice and always small. Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
- Opening practice · 4 minArriving here (adult wording)
- Closing practiceOne word for the road (adult wording)
Understand self
We get to know what drives our work and where our reactions under pressure come from.
Session 1
What the work is for
Long campaigns and slow wins can blur what our effort is for. Looking at our reasons shows which ones we chose and which we picked up along the way.
Online
In breakouts of three, each person opens the shared ladder template, writes one task on the bottom rung and asks "For the sake of what?" three times. Mark which rungs feel chosen and which were picked up from training, family or work culture. Back in the main room, each person types one top rung only into the chat, and the group notices where ladders meet.
In a room
Draw the ladder on paper and work in threes. Each person shares one top rung aloud, and you notice where different ladders meet.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Purpose here means what our effort is for, in our own words. It is a direction we keep choosing, and it can change.
- Research on adult wellbeing counts a sense of purpose as one part of being well, alongside good relationships and some say over our own lives.Ryff, C. D. (1989). Happiness is everything, or is it? Explorations on the meaning of psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57(6), 1069 to 1081. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.57.6.1069
- Self-determination theory separates goals we hold because we value them from goals we hold because of pressure or approval. People tend to keep going longer, and feel better, with the first kind.Ryan, R. M., and Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68 to 78. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.68
- Noticing that a reason was picked up along the way is useful information. Nobody has to give it up today.
- Opening practice · 4 minFor the sake of what (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonFor the sake of what?
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
Session 2
Looking back with care
After a hard meeting it is easy to replay it for days or rush straight on to the next thing. Looking back with care lets us learn from a moment without turning it into blame.
Online
Open the shared three-box template (Moment, Question, Takeaway). In pairs in a breakout, practise on the fictional case below, then work privately, cameras optional, on a moment of your own. Nobody shares their own moment. Ask questions that look for understanding, and let the takeaway be information, a next step or a request for help. Choose a small moment, about a 3 out of 10 in difficulty. Leave bigger ones for a supervisor, a counsellor or a trusted person.
In a room
Fold a page into the three boxes and practise in pairs on the fictional case, then privately on a moment of your own. Choose a small moment, about a 3 out of 10 in difficulty. Leave bigger ones for a supervisor, a counsellor or a trusted person.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A proposal you made is brushed aside in a team meeting.
- A community meeting you organised draws four people.
- A funder turns down an application you spent weeks on.
- A ward manager hears your idea and changes the subject.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Going back over a hard moment can go two ways. Reflection asks what happened and what we can learn; rumination circles the same painful questions.Trapnell, P. D., and Campbell, J. D. (1999). Private self-consciousness and the five-factor model of personality: Distinguishing rumination from reflection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(2), 284 to 304. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.76.2.284
- A review of this research found that concrete, specific questions about an event tend to help, while abstract questions such as "why does this always happen to me?" tend to keep distress going.Watkins, E. R. (2008). Constructive and unconstructive repetitive thought. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 163 to 206. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.134.2.163
- The three boxes give looking back a shape and an end, so we can learn from a moment and then set it down.
- Opening practice · 4 minFirst attempts (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonLooking back with care
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
Session 3
The first story
Under pressure, a first story such as "nobody listens" or "it is all on me" can feel like the whole truth. Looking for what else is also true keeps the loss in view and can show another way forward.
Online
In breakouts of three, take the fictional setback below and write the first narrow story in a shared document. Add two other stories the facts also support, then strike through any that shrink the loss or blame the person. Choose the story that opens a realistic next step, which might be rest or doing nothing yet.
In a room
In small groups on paper: the first story, two more the facts support, cross out any that shrink the loss, choose the one with a realistic next step.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A motion your group backed is voted down.
- A petition you ran for months is ignored by the council.
- A partner organisation pulls out of a joint campaign the week before launch.
- A union ballot you worked on falls short of the turnout it needed.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Reappraisal means changing how we read a situation, which can change how it feels. In Gross's model of emotion regulation it works early, before a reaction has fully formed.Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271 to 299. doi:10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.271
- In studies of everyday habits, people who reappraise more often report more positive feeling and closer relationships than people who mostly hold feelings in.Gross, J. J., and John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348 to 362. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348
- A reframe that denies a real loss does harm, so the activity crosses those out and keeps the loss in view.
- Opening practice · 4 minSit like a mountain (adult wording)
- Closing practiceThe done list (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonWhat else is also true?
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
Establish connection
We practise listening well and staying curious, especially with people who see things differently.
Session 4
Hearing someone out
In a tense room we often listen while preparing our reply. Saying back what we heard shows people they have been understood, even when we disagree.
Online
In breakouts of two, one person talks for 90 seconds about a light work moment while the other listens without advising or steering. The listener says back one sentence starting "What I heard was..." and the speaker can correct it. In a second round, take a mild question you see differently and say back the other view without arguing. Cameras can stay off; say back by voice or in the breakout chat.
In a room
The same in pairs, facing each other or side by side, whichever is more comfortable.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- How long meetings should run.
- Whether email after 7pm is fair.
- Whether to meet online or in person.
The short talk: notes and sources
- In experiments, speakers who were listened to well, with attention and without judgement, held their own views with less defensiveness and more nuance.Itzchakov, G., Kluger, A. N., and Castro, D. R. (2017). I am aware of my inconsistencies but can tolerate them: The effect of high quality listening on speakers' attitude ambivalence. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(1), 105 to 120. doi:10.1177/0146167216675339
- In one US field experiment, trained canvassers who listened without judging and swapped personal stories shifted views on one contested issue, and the shift was still there three months later. It was one study with a persuasive aim, so we use it as a reason to try listening, and promise nothing more.Broockman, D., and Kalla, J. (2016). Durably reducing transphobia: A field experiment on door-to-door canvassing. Science, 352(6282), 220 to 224. doi:10.1126/science.aad9713
- Saying back what we heard is a small, checkable act: the speaker can tell us whether we got it right.
- Opening practice · 3 minNinety seconds of nothing (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonWhat it means to be heard
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
Session 5
Beneath the first answer
In polarised debates we often decide why people oppose us before we ask them. Genuine questions show more of how they see it and where a real conversation could start.
Online
Take the fictional dispute below. Each person writes, privately, their first explanation of the view they disagree with, then spends three minutes writing only questions. On a shared whiteboard, sort surface questions from root questions about causes, power and assumptions. In breakouts of three, look at one root question from two positions, yours and theirs.
In a room
The same with sticky notes on a wall, and threes standing at it.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A town argues over closing a road outside a school.
- A city argues over moving a market to make way for housing.
- A village argues over selling communal land.
- A hospital argues over changing its shift patterns.
The short talk: notes and sources
- We tend to explain other people's actions by their character and our own by our circumstances. Ross called this the fundamental attribution error.Ross, L. (1977). The intuitive psychologist and his shortcomings: Distortions in the attribution process. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 10, 173 to 220. doi:10.1016/S0065-2601(08)60357-3
- In conversation experiments, people who asked more follow-up questions were liked more by the people they talked to.Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., and Gino, F. (2017). It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), 430 to 452. doi:10.1037/pspi0000097
- Writing our first explanation down, then setting it aside, makes it easier to notice when a question is really a statement.
- Opening practice · 4 minA question with no answer (adult wording)
- Closing practiceGood gossip (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonLooking beneath the first answer
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
Session 6
Room for every voice
Tense meetings tend to favour the quickest and loudest people. Small hosting moves, such as an open question or a short silence, can make room for everyone else.
Online
In breakouts of four or five, decide something with real trade-offs, using the fictional case below. Each person has a speaking budget of three turns, which they track themselves. A host asks open questions, holds short silences and checks whose view is missing. Back in the main room, talk about power, airtime and whose ideas got the credit. Talk about the pattern, and leave any person in the room out of it.
In a room
Groups of four or five at a table, with three tokens each to spend on speaking. Talk about the pattern, and leave any person in the room out of it.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- How a small community group spends a modest grant.
- Which of three campaigns a coalition puts first this year.
- How a clinic team shares out a rota no one likes.
- Whether a youth club spends its budget on trips or on staff.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Woolley and colleagues found that groups where people took more equal turns in conversation tended to do better across a range of short lab tasks than groups dominated by a few voices.Woolley, A. W., Chabris, C. F., Pentland, A., Hashmi, N., and Malone, T. W. (2010). Evidence for a collective intelligence factor in the performance of human groups. Science, 330(6004), 686 to 688. doi:10.1126/science.1193147
- Edmondson found that teams whose members felt safe to speak up and take small risks with each other learned more from their mistakes.Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350 to 383. doi:10.2307/2666999
- Hosting moves such as a pause before deciding, or asking who has not spoken, are small ways to share airtime. Who holds power in the room still shapes who speaks.
- Opening practice · 4 minThree quiet wishes (adult wording)
- Closing practiceGiving and receiving (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonMaking room for every voice
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
Regulate under stress
We learn our early signs of stress and how to stay grounded when a room turns tense.
Session 7
Staying with a hard moment
A hostile question or a dismissive reply can bring a strong urge to hit back or shut down. Remembering that feelings change gives us room to choose our next step, and to ask for support, without making things worse.
Online
In breakouts of three, take the fictional hard moment below and sketch, in a shared document, how the feeling might change over the next hour. At the hardest point, add one thing to do alone, one person to turn to and one way to step away. Mark any reaction that could make things worse, such as a fast reply online, and rework it without judging the impulse.
In a room
In small groups on a large sheet: the hour as a line, the peak marked, three ways through it.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A hostile question after a talk.
- A dismissive reply from a decision-maker, copied to your whole team.
- Abuse in the comments under a post about your work.
- A colleague says, in front of others, that your work is naive.
Skip “Abuse in the comments” if anyone in the group has had online abuse or threats.
The short talk: notes and sources
- In dialectical behaviour therapy, distress tolerance means getting through a painful moment without making it worse, especially when the cause cannot be fixed straight away. These sessions borrow an idea from that therapy. They do not teach it.Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd edition). New York: Guilford Press. Publisher page
- Feelings change over time. In a diary study, some emotions passed within minutes or hours while others, such as sadness, lasted longer, especially when people kept turning the event over.Verduyn, P., and Lavrijsen, S. (2015). Which emotions last longest and why: The role of event importance and rumination. Motivation and Emotion, 39(1), 119 to 127. doi:10.1007/s11031-014-9445-y
- This session is about getting through the next hour. If a feeling does not shift, or keeps returning, that is a reason to reach for more support, and nobody should carry it alone.
If this session stirs up a lot, Care is at the foot of the page.
- Opening practice · 4 minBefriending the wobble (adult wording)
- Closing practiceOne word for the road (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonStaying with an ordinary hard moment
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
Session 8
A steadier next step
In a heated exchange, the next reaction can feel immediate. A short pause and support we have planned ahead give us more say in what happens next.
Online
Walk through STOPP together on the fictional heated exchange below, with the steps on screen. Then build a shared menu on a whiteboard in three columns: what we can do alone, who can help and what the setting could change. Keep the board open so the group can add to it between sessions.
In a room
The same on a flip chart, photographed at the end so the group keeps the menu.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A heated exchange in a public consultation.
- A tense call with a manager about a project you lead.
- An argument in a group chat that spills into a meeting.
- A shouted exchange at a stall or a doorstep.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Deciding in advance what we will do when a particular moment comes ("if this happens, then I will...") makes the plan more likely to happen.Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493 to 503. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493
- Burnout research describes exhaustion as a response to working conditions, such as workload, lack of control and unfairness, as well as to anything personal. So the menu has a column for what the setting could change.Maslach, C., and Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: Recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103 to 111. doi:10.1002/wps.20311
- STOPP is a short pause routine from cognitive behavioural self-help materials. It is a way to make room before replying, and it will not suit every moment.
If this session stirs up a lot, Care is at the foot of the page.
- Opening practice · 5 minThe full stop (adult wording)
- Closing practiceOne quiet thank-you (adult wording)
- Full classroom lessonFinding a steadier next step
- Interactive practiceOn the framework
After session eight
A private then and now, and what the group carries on.
After session eight
Looking back together
Change is easier to see when we look back on purpose. This session gives each person a private then and now, and the group a chance to name what it will carry on.
Online
Give fifteen quiet minutes, cameras optional, for each person to retake the private reflection and read their own then and now. In breakouts of three, share one thing you will keep practising, if you want to. Back together, collect suggestions for the next group in a shared document, unsigned.
In a room
The same, with a sheet on the wall for unsigned suggestions.
Where the answers go. Your then and now stays on your own device and nobody else sees it. If your group runs an evaluation, it is separate, with its own consent, and its answers go wherever the group's host has said. Open the reflection.
The harvest
Two ways a group can gather what it learned together. The group's host, or whoever plans its evaluation, chooses one of them or neither.
- Ripple effects mapping about 30 min
Draw a map outward from the sessions together: what each person tried, what changed in their own work, and what changed for other people after that. Anyone can add to the map, and nobody has to.
Chazdon, S., Emery, M., Hansen, D., Higgins, L., and Sero, R. (Eds.) (2017). A field guide to ripple effects mapping. University of Minnesota Libraries Publishing. Publisher page - Most significant change stories about 30 min
In threes, anyone who wants to tells the one change from these weeks that matters most to them, and why. Anyone who wants to may offer a story to keep, with their permission. No story is ranked above another.
Davies, R., and Dart, J. (2005). The 'Most Significant Change' (MSC) technique: a guide to its use. Publisher page
Then and now. Before the harvest, each person reads their own then and now from "Where I am now", alone. It stays theirs, and nobody asks what it says. Open your then and now.
Everything said in the harvest is said by choice. Leave out names and details of anyone else.
Your group’s own evaluation. If your group runs its own evaluation after these sessions, your host shares the link to it. It sits outside this site, with its own consent, and nothing here feeds it.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Kolb described learning from experience as a cycle of doing, reflecting, making sense and trying again. The weekly loop of these sessions follows that shape.Kolb, D. A. (1984). Experiential Learning: Experience as the Source of Learning and Development. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall. ISBN 9780132952613
- Burnout among people working for social change is often reported, and it is linked to the culture of the groups they work in as well as to the work itself. Looking after each other is part of the work.Chen, C. W., and Gorski, P. C. (2015). Burnout in social justice and human rights activists: Symptoms, causes and implications. Journal of Human Rights Practice, 7(3), 366 to 390. doi:10.1093/jhuman/huv011
- A private then and now is a record for you alone. It measures nothing about the sessions, and it says nothing about who did well or badly.
- Opening practice · 5 minThe term, looking back (adult wording)
- Closing practiceCarrying it forward (adult wording)
Optional modules
Five more sessions a group can add where it needs them. Each one keeps the same 75-minute shape and draws on practices from the Wholebeing framework. Add one, two or none. Offer the grief module only after the group has met at least four times.
Optional, after session 3
Stories that build trust
Much of this work asks people to trust us before we have earned it, and to trust each other across a table. Telling a story from before we knew how it would end lets others meet us as we were, unsure and still trying.
It fits after session 3, The first story, and keeps the same 75 minutes: a card to arrive, a short talk, the activity, private reflection and a closing.
Online
Each person takes eight quiet minutes with the framework practice “Before You Knew the Ending” and writes a few lines about a moment in their work when they did not yet know how it would turn out. In breakouts of three, anyone who wants to reads their lines aloud, leaving the lesson out. Listeners say back one thing they noticed about the person, with no advice. Back in the main room, the group talks about what it was like to be heard before the happy ending.
In a room
Write on paper, then sit in threes. Reading aloud is a choice, and passing is always fine. Listeners reflect back one thing they noticed, with no advice.
The short talk: notes and sources
- A story told from the middle, before we knew the ending, invites people in. It shows what we cared about and what we risked.
- Research on teams found that where people believe it is safe to take small interpersonal risks, they ask more questions and learn more from each other.Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350 to 383. doi:10.2307/2666999
- Looking back on an experience and putting words to it is one of the ways adults learn from what they have lived.Kolb, D. A. (1984). Experiential Learning: Experience as the Source of Learning and Development. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall. ISBN 9780132952613
To discuss
- Who in your work has trusted you before you earned it?
- What makes it easier for you to tell a story that is still unfinished?
What to have ready
- A link to the framework practice, or paper and pens
- A timer for the breakouts
Optional, after session 6
Staying in the room when we disagree
Coalitions hold people who want the same change for different reasons, and some disagreements keep coming back. Stepping towards the tension, a little at a time, helps us see what still holds us together.
It fits after session 6, Room for every voice, and keeps the same 75 minutes: a card to arrive, a short talk, the activity, private reflection and a closing.
Online
Use a fictional disagreement in a campaign group, such as two members who want to spend the same small budget on different actions. In breakouts of three, one person speaks for each side and the third listens and says back what each side cares about. Swap roles once. Back in the main room, the group names what both sides share. Afterwards, anyone may try “Step Toward the Tension” or “Tension Holds the Braid” on their own, with a disagreement from their own life kept private.
In a room
Work in threes with the same fictional case, on paper. Keep any real disagreement in the room out of the activity, and in the private practice afterwards only.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A campaign group split over how to spend a small grant.
- Two health workers who disagree about whether to speak to the press.
- A network where newer members feel the founders decide everything.
The short talk: notes and sources
- A disagreement that keeps coming back usually carries something both sides care about. Naming it can matter more than settling it today.
- We tend to explain other people’s actions by their character and our own by our situation, which makes the other side look worse than they are.Ross, L. (1977). The intuitive psychologist and his shortcomings: Distortions in the attribution process. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 10, 173 to 220. doi:10.1016/S0065-2601(08)60357-3
- In experiments, speakers who were listened to well came to hold their own views with more nuance and were more at ease with their own mixed feelings.Itzchakov, G., Kluger, A. N., and Castro, D. R. (2017). I am aware of my inconsistencies but can tolerate them: The effect of high quality listening on speakers' attitude ambivalence. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(1), 105 to 120. doi:10.1177/0146167216675339
To discuss
- What helps you stay in a conversation that is getting hard?
- Where in this work has a disagreement made the work stronger?
What to have ready
- The fictional cases, shared or printed
- A timer for the swaps
Optional, after session 2
Sustaining the work
Exhaustion in this work is often reported, and it is often built into how the work is organised. Saying a plain no, and letting others carry part of the load, are part of how a movement lasts.
It fits after session 2, Looking back with care, and keeps the same 75 minutes: a card to arrive, a short talk, the activity, private reflection and a closing.
Online
Each person draws a quick map of what they are carrying this month, with no one else seeing it. Then take ten quiet minutes with “Hand Over the No” or “Hand Some of It Over”. In breakouts of three, each person shares one sentence about a part of the load they could set down or share, if they want to. Back in the main room, the group talks about what in its own ways of working makes it hard to say no.
In a room
Draw the map on paper and keep it to yourself. Share one sentence in threes if you want to, or pass.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Rest and limits are part of the work itself. A movement that runs on a few people giving everything loses those people.
- Activists describe burnout coming from the culture of their own groups as well as from the world outside, including the idea that caring means never stopping.Chen, C. W., and Gorski, P. C. (2015). Burnout in social justice and human rights activists: Symptoms, causes and implications. Journal of Human Rights Practice, 7(3), 366 to 390. doi:10.1093/jhuman/huv011
- Burnout research points to mismatches between people and their work, such as too much to do and too little say, more than to personal weakness.Maslach, C., and Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: Recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103 to 111. doi:10.1002/wps.20311
To discuss
- What would change if your group treated rest as part of the plan?
- Who could you hand something to, and what stops you?
What to have ready
- Paper and pens for a private map
- A link to the framework practices
Optional, after session 7 Private only
Grief for the future we expected
People who work for change often carry grief for a future they hoped for and can no longer count on. This session gives that grief a quiet place. Everything personal in it stays private.
Before you offer this session
This session is optional, and so is every part of it. Offer it only to a group that has made its agreements in session 0 and has met at least four times.
Tell people at least a week before, in the invitation: what the session is, that it is optional, and that nobody needs to say why they are skipping. Do not note who attends. It is not for anyone bereaved in the last few months, living through war, displacement or active threat, or in crisis. It is no substitute for therapy or bereavement support.
Do not offer this session if line managers or anyone with power over the others is in the room. Do not run it if you are grieving something recent yourself. Run it with a second facilitator.
Nothing personal is shared aloud, in breakouts or in the chat. Each person works alone, and nobody is asked what they wrote.
Name the group's care routes at the start. After the session, stay for ten minutes. Listen, thank anyone who comes to you, and point them to their care routes. Do not try to counsel.
Anyone can step away at any point without saying why. If you are worried about someone, follow your group's care routes. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.
It fits after session 7, Staying with a hard moment, and keeps the same 75 minutes: a card to arrive, a short talk, the activity, private reflection and a closing.
Online
After the care notes, each person takes fifteen quiet minutes alone, cameras off if they like, with the framework practice “The Life You Assumed”, or with paper and a pen. It is private writing: nothing is read out and nothing is collected. Then the facilitator offers a short moment of quiet together, and each person may type one neutral word into the chat about how they are leaving, such as tired or steady, or pass. Online, stay on the call with your microphone off and watch for private messages. Tell people they can message you at any moment.
In a room
Give each person paper, space and time alone. Nothing is read out or handed in, and people may take their writing home or tear it up. Close with a minute of quiet and one neutral word each, or a pass. Have tissues, say people may leave and come back, and have a second facilitator who can go out with anyone who needs to step away.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Grief for a future we expected is a real loss, even when nothing has happened yet that others can see.
- In one diary study of everyday events, sadness lingered longer than most feelings, and longer still when the event mattered a lot. A grief that returns is not a sign you are doing it wrong.Verduyn, P., and Lavrijsen, S. (2015). Which emotions last longest and why: The role of event importance and rumination. Motivation and Emotion, 39(1), 119 to 127. doi:10.1007/s11031-014-9445-y
- Researchers have named ecological grief: grief for losses to places, species and ways of life, including losses still expected.Cunsolo, A., and Ellis, N. R. (2018). Ecological grief as a mental health response to climate change-related loss. Nature Climate Change, 8(4), 275 to 281. doi:10.1038/s41558-018-0092-2
- A trauma-informed approach puts safety and choice first, which is why everything in this session is optional and private.Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (2014). SAMHSA's Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach. HHS Publication No. (SMA) 14-4884. Rockville, MD: SAMHSA. Publisher page
What to have ready
- Paper and pens, or a link to the framework practice
- Your group's care routes, ready to name
- Ten free minutes after the session
Optional, after session 8
Influence in the systems we work in
Change also happens in the rooms we already sit in: who gets credit, who gets heard and how a problem is framed. Small moves there add up to a different system.
It fits after session 8, A steadier next step, and keeps the same 75 minutes: a card to arrive, a short talk, the activity, private reflection and a closing.
Online
Use a fictional team meeting where a junior colleague’s idea is passed over and later repeated by someone senior. In breakouts of three, plan two small moves: giving the colleague credit when they are not in the room, and reframing the problem so more people can act on it. Back in the main room, each breakout shares one move. Afterwards, anyone may try “Credit in Their Absence”, “Same Facts, New Stance” or “Where Silence Is Cheaper” on their own.
In a room
Work in threes with the same fictional meeting, on paper, and share one move with the room.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
- A team meeting in a clinic where a nurse’s idea is passed over.
- A campaign planning call where the same three people speak first every time.
- A school staff meeting where a support worker’s concern is heard only when a manager repeats it.
The short talk: notes and sources
- Systems are made of everyday habits, like who speaks first and whose name is attached to an idea. Habits can be changed by the people inside them.
- Groups in which people took more equal turns in conversation did better on a range of short lab tasks.Woolley, A. W., Chabris, C. F., Pentland, A., Hashmi, N., and Malone, T. W. (2010). Evidence for a collective intelligence factor in the performance of human groups. Science, 330(6004), 686 to 688. doi:10.1126/science.1193147
- In a field experiment, conversations of about ten minutes in which canvassers listened and exchanged stories changed views on a contested issue for months afterwards.Broockman, D., and Kalla, J. (2016). Durably reducing transphobia: A field experiment on door-to-door canvassing. Science, 352(6282), 220 to 224. doi:10.1126/science.aad9713
To discuss
- Whose work in your setting goes unnamed?
- Which small habit in your group would you most like to change?
What to have ready
- The fictional cases, shared or printed
- A link to the framework practices
Tell us how a session went
Your email opens with the session you choose named in the subject, and nothing is sent until you send it. A person reads these.
Or write to info@recipesforwellbeing.org
Pin a version for your group
These sessions change as we learn from the groups who use them. If your group needs them to stay exactly as they were when you began, for an evaluation or a report, use a dated version. A dated version never changes.
Share the link to your version with your group, and it will read the same for as long as you need it. Any classroom cards and lessons it links to are the current ones.
The peer circle
Two or three people, once between sessions, for about thirty minutes, online or in person.
Roles
- Host
- Keeps time and opens with the session's peer question.
- Speaker
- Talks for up to five minutes about their experiment, without being interrupted.
- Listeners
- Say back what they heard before asking anything, using the session 4 rule: one sentence starting "What I heard was..."
Timing
- 2 min Arrive, and the host reads the peer question.
- 5 min each Each person speaks while the others listen.
- 3 min each Listeners say back, then ask one question if the speaker wants one.
- 5 min Together, name one theme to carry back to the group, with no names attached.
Confidentiality. What is said in the circle stays in the circle, unless someone may be at serious risk. Then the person who heard it says so, and asks who can help. Only the anonymous theme leaves, and only if everyone agrees.
Keeping it safe
- Pass at any point. Nobody has to speak for five minutes.
- Listeners give no advice unless asked.
- Do not pair with anyone you manage or who manages you.
- If someone becomes upset, stop, ask what they need, and use the group's care routes.
- Choose an experiment that is small and safe to talk about.
Carrying a theme back. At the start of the next session, each circle can offer its one theme in a sentence, so the whole group learns from it. Nobody is asked whose experience it came from.
If your group already runs peer learning, use your own format and keep the say-back rule and the confidentiality line.
Your field log
A private place to think, before and after a hard conversation.
It stays on this device and nothing is sent anywhere. Leave out names and details of anyone else, including the people you work with or for. If anyone else might see your device, tick the shared-computer box or write on paper.
What you have kept
for a notebook or a wall.
Care
Anger, fear and exhaustion are normal in this work, and so is grief for a future we hoped for. These sessions are no substitute for therapy. If these feelings weigh on you, you do not have to carry them alone: turn to someone you trust, such as a friend, a colleague, a doctor or a counsellor. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.