Ten sessions for advocates, Session 2
After a hard meeting it is easy to replay it for days or rush straight on to the next thing. Looking back with care lets us learn from a moment without turning it into blame.
75 minutes: The card 5, A short talk 10, Discussion 10, The activity 30, Private reflection 10, Closing 5, Five to spare 5.
Nothing here asks anyone to share something painful or to look well. Taking part silently is taking part, and passing is always allowed.
Anger, fear and exhaustion are normal in this work, and so is grief for a future we hoped for. These sessions are no substitute for therapy. If these feelings weigh on you, you do not have to carry them alone: turn to someone you trust, such as a friend, a colleague, a doctor or a counsellor. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.
If someone is struggling, follow the care route your group agreed in its first session. This is not yours to carry alone.
First attempts, in its adult wording
Think back to one small attempt in your work that did not go as you hoped, such as a meeting, a pitch or a plan that changed.
Ask yourself quietly what you know now because you made that attempt, and what you might choose differently another time.
An attempt that did not work can still give you information, even while the disappointment or the cost is real.
You do not need to share the memory or turn it into a good story. Just notice whether the question changes how you hold it.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
Watch for anyone who goes very still, tearful or far away. Do not single them out. Offer a break, or speak to them quietly afterwards.
After a hard meeting it is easy to replay it for days or rush straight on to the next thing. Looking back with care lets us learn from a moment without turning it into blame.
Going back over a hard moment can go two ways. Reflection asks what happened and what we can learn; rumination circles the same painful questions. (Trapnell, P. D., and Campbell, J. D. (1999). Private self-consciousness and the five-factor model of personality: Distinguishing rumination from reflection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(2), 284 to 304.)
A review of this research found that concrete, specific questions about an event tend to help, while abstract questions such as "why does this always happen to me?" tend to keep distress going. (Watkins, E. R. (2008). Constructive and unconstructive repetitive thought. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 163 to 206.)
The three boxes give looking back a shape and an end, so we can learn from a moment and then set it down.
After a hard meeting, what do you usually do first?
What makes looking back feel like blame, and what makes it feel like learning?
Questions in pairs or small groups. Anyone can pass.
Online. Open the shared three-box template (Moment, Question, Takeaway). In pairs in a breakout, practise on the fictional case below, then work privately, cameras optional, on a moment of your own. Nobody shares their own moment. Ask questions that look for understanding, and let the takeaway be information, a next step or a request for help. Choose a small moment, about a 3 out of 10 in difficulty. Leave bigger ones for a supervisor, a counsellor or a trusted person.
In a room. Fold a page into the three boxes and practise in pairs on the fictional case, then privately on a moment of your own. Choose a small moment, about a 3 out of 10 in difficulty. Leave bigger ones for a supervisor, a counsellor or a trusted person.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
A fictional case: A proposal you made is brushed aside in a team meeting.
A fictional case: A community meeting you organised draws four people.
A fictional case: A funder turns down an application you spent weeks on.
A fictional case: A ward manager hears your idea and changes the subject.
Try it this week. After one hard moment in your advocacy this week, take five quiet minutes to fill in the three boxes.
Quiet time. Nobody shares what they write.
Before you try it, the field log asks:
What matters most to me in this conversation?
What am I assuming about them?
What will I do when I notice the first sign of stress?
One word or one line from everyone.
For your peer circle. What did looking back show you that you missed in the moment?
Because sessions run over, and that is fine.
Practices to try at home: What Today Was Showing, Three True Sentences.
https://rfweducators.netlify.app/advocates/session-2/
Recipes for Wellbeing. Free to use and adapt under CC BY-NC 4.0.