This is the programme as it was on 10 October 2026, kept unchanged for groups who pinned it. See the current version
Eight sessions for advocates, Session 4
In a tense room we often listen while preparing our reply. Saying back what we heard shows people they have been understood, even when we disagree.
75 minutes: The card 5, A short talk 10, Discussion 10, The activity 30, Private reflection 10, Closing 5, Five to spare 5.
Nothing here asks anyone to share something painful or to look well. Taking part silently is taking part, and passing is always allowed.
Anger, fear and exhaustion are normal in this work, and so is grief for a future we hoped for. These sessions are no substitute for therapy. If these feelings weigh on you, you do not have to carry them alone: turn to support through your work, peer support in your field, or a doctor or counsellor you trust. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.
If someone is struggling, follow the care route your group agreed in its first session. This is not yours to carry alone.
Ninety seconds of nothing, in its adult wording
For the next ninety seconds there is nothing you need to produce, and nothing you will be asked to show afterwards.
Let your eyes rest wherever is comfortable and let the chair hold some of your weight. If you are on a call, you can turn your camera off.
Your mind may say this is pointless or remind you of the next task, and you can notice those thoughts without following them.
I will keep the time so that you do not have to. The ninety seconds begin now.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
In a tense room we often listen while preparing our reply. Saying back what we heard shows people they have been understood, even when we disagree.
In experiments, speakers who were listened to well, with attention and without judgement, held their own views with less defensiveness and more nuance. (Itzchakov, G., Kluger, A. N., and Castro, D. R. (2017). I am aware of my inconsistencies but can tolerate them: The effect of high quality listening on speakers' attitude ambivalence. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(1), 105 to 120.)
Field experiments with door-to-door conversations found that listening without judgement and exchanging personal stories reduced prejudiced attitudes, with effects lasting months. (Broockman, D., and Kalla, J. (2016). Durably reducing transphobia: A field experiment on door-to-door canvassing. Science, 352(6282), 220 to 224.)
Saying back what we heard is a small, checkable act: the speaker can tell us whether we got it right.
What makes it hard to listen well when you disagree?
How can you tell when someone has really heard you?
Questions in pairs or small groups. Anyone can pass.
Online. In breakouts of two, one person talks for 90 seconds about a light work moment while the other listens without advising or steering. The listener says back one sentence starting "What I heard was..." and the speaker can correct it. In a second round, take a mild question you see differently and say back the other view without arguing. Cameras can stay off; say back by voice or in the breakout chat.
In a room. The same in pairs, facing each other or side by side, whichever is more comfortable.
A fictional case: How long meetings should run.
A fictional case: Whether email after 7pm is fair.
A fictional case: Whether to meet online or in person.
Try it this week. In one conversation this week where you disagree, say back what you heard before you reply. Then ask whether you got it right.
Quiet time. Nobody shares what they write.
Before you try it, the field log asks:
What matters most to me in this conversation?
What am I assuming about them?
What will I do when I notice the first sign of stress?
One word or one line from everyone.
For your peer circle. What happened when you said back what you heard before you replied?
Because sessions run over, and that is fine.
Practices to try at home: Every Word, to the End, Hold It, Fix Nothing.
https://rfweducators.netlify.app/advocates/session-4/
Recipes for Wellbeing. Free to use and adapt under CC BY-NC 4.0.