Ten sessions for advocates, Session 3
Under pressure, a first story such as "nobody listens" or "it is all on me" can feel like the whole truth. Looking for what else is also true keeps the loss in view and can show another way forward.
75 minutes: The card 5, A short talk 10, Discussion 10, The activity 30, Private reflection 10, Closing 5, Five to spare 5.
Nothing here asks anyone to share something painful or to look well. Taking part silently is taking part, and passing is always allowed.
Sitting still with an image can bring up more than people expect. Eyes can stay open, anyone can look around the room or simply wait, and nobody is asked what they noticed.
Anger, fear and exhaustion are normal in this work, and so is grief for a future we hoped for. These sessions are no substitute for therapy. If these feelings weigh on you, you do not have to carry them alone: turn to someone you trust, such as a friend, a colleague, a doctor or a counsellor. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.
If someone is struggling, follow the care route your group agreed in its first session. This is not yours to carry alone.
Sit like a mountain, in its adult wording
The weather changes around a mountain through the year. For the next minute we will borrow that image while we sit.
Sit as upright as feels natural, imagine the weight of the mountain beneath you and picture your head as its summit.
If attention on the body is uncomfortable, rest it on your feet on the floor or your hands in your lap, or look around the room.
Let thoughts and feelings move through the picture like weather crossing the slopes, without holding on to them or pushing them away.
Take one more breath with the mountain, remembering that weather and mountains both change over time.
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
Watch for anyone who goes very still, tearful or far away. Do not single them out. Offer a break, or speak to them quietly afterwards.
Under pressure, a first story such as "nobody listens" or "it is all on me" can feel like the whole truth. Looking for what else is also true keeps the loss in view and can show another way forward.
Reappraisal means changing how we read a situation, which can change how it feels. In Gross's model of emotion regulation it works early, before a reaction has fully formed. (Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271 to 299.)
In studies of everyday habits, people who reappraise more often report more positive feeling and closer relationships than people who mostly hold feelings in. (Gross, J. J., and John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348 to 362.)
A reframe that denies a real loss does harm, so the activity crosses those out and keeps the loss in view.
What first stories turn up most in this kind of work?
When has a second story helped you, or someone you know, find a next step?
Questions in pairs or small groups. Anyone can pass.
Online. In breakouts of three, take the fictional setback below and write the first narrow story in a shared document. Add two other stories the facts also support, then strike through any that shrink the loss or blame the person. Choose the story that opens a realistic next step, which might be rest or doing nothing yet.
In a room. In small groups on paper: the first story, two more the facts support, cross out any that shrink the loss, choose the one with a realistic next step.
The fictional case. Choose one that is not happening in your group right now. If any of these is too close to home, swap it or make up a lighter one.
A fictional case: A motion your group backed is voted down.
A fictional case: A petition you ran for months is ignored by the council.
A fictional case: A partner organisation pulls out of a joint campaign the week before launch.
A fictional case: A union ballot you worked on falls short of the turnout it needed.
Try it this week. When something goes badly this week, write down your first story about it. Then add one other thing that is also true and see whether it changes your next step.
Quiet time. Nobody shares what they write.
Before you try it, the field log asks:
What matters most to me in this conversation?
What am I assuming about them?
What will I do when I notice the first sign of stress?
The done list, in its adult wording
To-do lists hold our attention on what remains, so we will spend one minute noticing what has already been done.
Count ordinary things from this week, including turning up, asking a question, staying with something difficult or helping a colleague.
Choose three items and keep the list private, recognising the effort behind each one.
Carry the list with you, alongside everything that still needs your attention.
For your peer circle. What was your first story this week, and what else turned out to be true?
Anyone can pass, and quiet is taking part.
Watch for anyone who goes very still, tearful or far away. Do not single them out. Offer a break, or speak to them quietly afterwards.
Because sessions run over, and that is fine.
Practices to try at home: What Else Is Also True, What You Don't Get Yet.
https://rfweducators.netlify.app/advocates/session-3/
Recipes for Wellbeing. Free to use and adapt under CC BY-NC 4.0.